2 Weight Machine Insults 1 Strip

Weight Machine: Guess your weight?

Garfield: Sure.

Weight Machine: You're fat. Now step on and we'll see if I'm right.

Garfield: Hmm... two insults for the price of one.
-- Garfield, Jim Davis, 3/19/1998

Chalkboard Gag in The Simpsons Movie

I will not illegally download this movie.
-- Chalkboard Gag, The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Rat Introduces "Danny Donkey" to Pig

Rat: Behold! The prototype of my "Danny Donkey" doll, a cute l'il talking doll I had made in China... It's for kids of all ages.

Pig: Haha it's so hugable!

Rat: Go ahead. Pull the cord and hear it say cut l'il things like, "I love licorice."

Pig: Hahaha I'd love to (pulls cord).

Danny Donkey: I rob liquor stores. I rob liquor stores.

Rat: It appears we have a translation problem.

Danny Donkey: There's no booze like free booze. There's no booze like free booze.
-- Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis, 9/28/2006

Anton Ego's Opinion of Gusteau's New Book

Amusing title, "Anyone Can Cook". What's even more amusing is that Gusteau actually seems to believe it. I, on the other hand, take cooking seriously. And no, I don't think anyone can do it.
-- Anton Ego, Ratouille (2007)

Wallace Breen's Breencasts, Part 3

We now have direct confirmation of a disruptor in our midst, one who has acquired an almost messianic reputation in the minds of certain citizens. His figure is synonymous with the darkest urges of instinct, ignorance and decay. Some of the worst excesses of the Black Mesa Incident have been laid directly at his feet. And yet unsophisticated minds continue to imbue him with romantic power, giving him such dangerous poetic labels as the One Free Man, the Opener of the Way.

Let me remind all citizens of the dangers of magical thinking. We have scarcely begun to climb from the dark pit of our species' evolution. Let us not slide backward into oblivion, just as we have finally begun to see the light. If you see this so-called Free Man, report him. Civic deeds do not go unrewarded. And contrariwise, complicity with his cause will not go unpunished.

Be wise. Be safe. Be aware.
-- Wallace Breen, Half-Life 2, Valve (2004)

From http://half-life.wikia.com/wiki/Breencast

The Ticker During the Simpsons Movie

Watch 'Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity?' on FOX. That's right, we even advertise our shows during movies now.
-- Ticker, The Simpsons Movie (2007)

The Tropics Weekly Interview

Dick Pepperfield: Welcome back to Tropics Weekly. I'm joined by owner / player / coach Jackie Moon. Jackie, it's always an honor when you drop by.

Jackie Moon: Always enjoy our time together, Dick Pepper.

Dick Pepperfield: (laughs) Dick Pepperfield, actually. Now Jackie, amazingly, you're two teams away from getting your team to the NBA. How do you intend to match up to the Squires' strong inside game?

Jackie Moon: It's a great question. Tomorrow, after the game, I, Jackie Moon, will wrestle a bear.

Dick Pepperfield: Uh, well, that's something, but, uh, defensively, as a team how do you...

Jackie Moon: That's tomorrow night, one night only... Watch Dewie the wrestling bear attack me and he's killed people in public before.

Dick Pepperfield: Well, OK, that is some entertainment and you are know for your creative promotions, Jackie, but...

Jackie Moon: You're not gonna miss this one, folks, and if you're a small child, you creep into your mama's bedroom at night and you lift about forty bucks out of your mom's purse.

Dick Pepperfield: Oh, no, no, no.

Jackie Moon: ...And you walk down to Flint Fairgrounds Coliseum, 8:00.

Dick Pepperfield: There you have it. Jackie Moon, thanks so much for joining us.

Jackie Moon: Dewie's insane! He could rip my head off!

Dick Pepperfield: I'm Dick Pepperfield, reminding you there will be another night. Goodnight, Flint.
-- Semi-Pro (2008)